I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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