Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
