Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You are the jesus of drinking
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
