I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
