Im at strip club and am horny
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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