It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
