got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
