We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
