Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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