So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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