Soap is not a condiment
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
