Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
