she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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