we're making bets on your personal life
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
