i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
