When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just high enough for therapy.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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