I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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