john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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