you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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