You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
