It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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