my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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