i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
