If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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