Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
