he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
