I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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