i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just gift wrapped bread.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
