Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
