we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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