You can't motorboat a personality
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
