let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
