I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
