I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
