drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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