he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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