Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
