dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
