So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
