I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
