Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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