Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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