My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
