He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
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I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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