So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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