I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
