): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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