somebody snuck up and got me drunk
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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