At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
