dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
