I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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