At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
