YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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