so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
