she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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