a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
