Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
